Humor #584

Officers at a military installation were being lectured about a new computer. The training officer said the computer was able to withstand nuclear and chemical attacks.

Suddenly, he saw that one of the officers had a cup of coffee and yelled, “There will be no eating or drinking in this room! You’ll have to get rid of that coffee.”

The officer said meekly, “Sure, but why?”

“Because a coffee spill could ruin the keyboard.”

—–

 A five year old boy went for a weekend trip with his grandparents. On the way home, they stopped at a country restaurant for lunch.

The little boy left the table to use the restroom by him- self. A moment later he returned with a confused look on his face. He says, “Grandpa, am I a rooster or a hen?”

 —–

We had been trying for a child for years, so I was ecstatic when I got up at five one morning, took a home pregnancy test, and found I was expecting.

“Richard,” I yelled to my husband, “we’re going to have a baby!”

“Great,” he said and rolled over.

“How can you go back to sleep?”

Muttering into his pillow, he said, “I’m stocking up.”

 —–

 After a particularly inspiring worship service, a church member greeted the pastor. “Reverend, that was a wonderful sermon. You should have it published.”

The pastor replied, “Actually, I’m planning to have all my sermons published posthumously.”

“Great!” enthused the church member. “The sooner the better!”

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