Humor #585

Two elderly, excited Southern women were sitting together in the front pew of church listening to a fiery preacher.

When this preacher condemned the sin of stealing, these two ladies cried out at the top of their lungs, “AMEN, BROTHER!”

When the preacher condemned the sin of lust, they yelled again, “PREACH IT, REVEREND!”

And when the preacher condemned the sin of lying, they jumped to their feet and screamed, “RIGHT ON, BROTHER! TELL IT LIKE IT IS! AMEN!”

But when the preacher condemned the sin of gossip, the two got very quiet. One turned to the other and said, “He’s quit preaching and now he’s meddlin’.”

—–

 A blonde lady had just completed a CPR course and was on the lookout for a chance to try it out. As she left a shopping center, she saw a man lying on the floor with a lot of people gathered around him.

Screaming, “I know first aid!” she ran to the person, threw her bag down, loosened all his tight clothing, and got ready to start mouth-to-mouth.

At this stage a huge policeman tapped her on the shoulder and said, “Do you mind? I am trying to arrest this man.”

—–

 A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license. He says, “Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses.”

The woman answers, “Well, I have contacts.”

The policeman replies, “I don’t care who you know! You’re getting a ticket!”


Two buddies were out for a Saturday stroll.  One had a Doberman and the other had a Chihuahua.  As they sauntered down the street, the guy with the Doberman said to his friend, “Let’s go over to that restaurant and get something to drink.”

The guy with the Chihuahua said, “We can’t go in there.  We’ve got dogs with us.”

The one with the Doberman said, “Just follow my lead.” They walked over to the restaurant and the guy with the Doberman put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk into the restaurant.

The waiter at the door said, “Sorry, Mac, no pets allowed.”

The man with the Doberman said, “You don’t understand.  This is my Seeing-Eye dog.”

The waiter said, “A Doberman pinscher?”

The man said, “Yes, they’re using them now.  They’re very good.”

The waiter said, “OK then, come on in.”

The buddy with the Chihuahua figured he’d try it too so he put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk into the restaurant.  He knew his story would be a bit more unbelievable.  Once again the waiter said, “Sorry, pal, no pets allowed.”

The man with the Chihuahua said, “You don’t understand.  This is my Seeing-Eye dog.”

The waiter said, “A Chihuahua?”

The man with the Chihuahua said, “A Chihuahua?!?  A Chihuahua?!? They gave me a Chihuahua??

—–