Humor #589

A nearsighted minister glanced at the note that Mrs. Jones had sent to him by an usher.

The note read: “Bill Jones having gone to sea, his wife desires the prayers of the congregation for his safety.”

Failing to observe the punctuation, he startled his audience by announcing:

“Bill Jones, having gone to see his wife, desires the prayers of the congregation for his safety.”

—–

In a spy novel I had just read, the hero hid a letter in a particular statue in Washington, D.C. Since I was in that city at the time, on a whim I decided to see if the statue really contained the small niche the author had described. To my great surprise, it did — and a cellophane-wrapped letter was inside. After a moment’s hesitation, I pulled out the letter, opened it, and burst into laughter.

An unidentified reader had penned, “Good book, wasn’t it?”

 —–

A knight and his men return to their castle after a long hard day of fighting.

“How are we faring?” asks the king.

“Sire,” replies the knight, “I have been robbing and pillaging on your behalf all day, burning the towns of your enemies in the west.”

“What?!” shrieks the king.  “I don’t have any enemies to the west!”

“Oh, no…” says the knight.  “Well, you do now.”

—–

The dean and the coach struck a simple deal. Despite his abysmal grades, the all-star tackle could play in the big game if and only if he could learn and remember the formula for water before then. The coach and the chemistry teacher both worked with the gridiron star and were confident that he’d come through with flying colors.

On the morning of the game, the dean came down to the locker room where the tackle was suiting up.

“Well?” said the dean. “What is the formula for water?”

Grinning broadly, and drawing confidence from the presence of his proud coach, the player said, “H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O.”

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