Humor #599

Brenda had been stressing the importance of independence to her granddaughter, Shila, 7, while they were waiting for the 4th of July fireworks to begin.

She felt she had made her point until Shila thoughtfully said, “You know Nana, you can live without your independence. Amber’s doctor took out her independence and she’s still living.”

I don’t run, and if you ever see me running, you should run too because something is probably chasing me.

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I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

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A blonde bought herself a new Mercedes. She can drive the car during the day but at night the car won’t move at all.

She tries driving the car at night for a week but still no luck.

Furious, she calls the dealership, tells them the problem and they send a mechanic to the house.

The mechanic gives the car a thorough inspection and can’t find anything wrong. Eventually, he asks the Blonde, ” Are you sure you’re using the right gears?”

“Of course I am. I’m not stupid. I use “D” during the day and “N” at night!”

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A recent Aberta Govt. study, has found over 200 dead crows near Calgary, Alberta and there was concern that they may have died from the Avian Flu virus. A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and he confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu, to everyone’s relief.

However, he was also able to determine that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with large trucks, and only 2% were killed by car impact. The Provincial Government hired an Ornithological Behaviorist from Toronto to determine the disproportionate percentages for the large truck versus car kills.

The Ornithological Behaviorist determined the cause in short order.

When crows eat road kill, they always set-up a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.

His conclusion was that: The lookout crow could say “Cah,” but could not say, “Truck.”

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