Humor #601

Old people look at things differently

  1. My goal for 2019 was to lose just 10 pounds . . . I now have only 15 to go.
  2. I had a salad for dinner . . it was mostly croutons & tomatoes . .  really just one big, round crouton covered with tomato sauce . . and cheese . . okay, fine, it was a pizza . . I had a pizza for dinner.
  3. How to prepare Tofu in two steps:  1)  Throw it in the trash; 2)  Grill some Meat.
  4. I did a week’s worth of cardio after walking into a spider web.
  5. I don’t mean to brag but . . . I finished my 14-day diet meals in 3 hours and 20 minutes .
  6. A recent study has found women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it.
  7. Kids today don’t know how easy they have it.  When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.
  8. Senility has been a smooth transition for me.
  9. Remember back when we were kids and every time it was below zero out they closed school?  Me neither.
  10. I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or talented . . . . I forgot where I was going with this.
  11. Even though I’m over 70, I learn something new every day . . .however, I forget 5 other things.
  12. A thief broke into my house last night and was searching for money . . .  when I woke up, we searched together.