Old people look at things differently
- My goal for 2019 was to lose just 10 pounds . . . I now have only 15 to go.
- I had a salad for dinner . . it was mostly croutons & tomatoes . . really just one big, round crouton covered with tomato sauce . . and cheese . . okay, fine, it was a pizza . . I had a pizza for dinner.
- How to prepare Tofu in two steps: 1) Throw it in the trash; 2) Grill some Meat.
- I did a week’s worth of cardio after walking into a spider web.
- I don’t mean to brag but . . . I finished my 14-day diet meals in 3 hours and 20 minutes .
- A recent study has found women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it.
- Kids today don’t know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.
- Senility has been a smooth transition for me.
- Remember back when we were kids and every time it was below zero out they closed school? Me neither.
- I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or talented . . . . I forgot where I was going with this.
- Even though I’m over 70, I learn something new every day . . .however, I forget 5 other things.
- A thief broke into my house last night and was searching for money . . . when I woke up, we searched together.
