Why are there old dinosaur bones in the museum?
Because they can’t afford new ones!
They say we learn from our mistakes.
That’s why I’m deliberately making as many as possible.
Soon I’ll be a genius!
Went to my eye doctor the other day…
Guess who I bumped into?
Patient: “It’s been one month since my last visit and I still feel miserable.”
Doctor: “Did you follow the instructions on the medicine I gave you?”
Patient: “I sure did. The bottle said ‘keep tightly closed’.”
On his birthday, my husband was stuck driving our six rambunctious children around. As usual, they were yelling, punching, and annoying one another. Joel finally had had enough.
“Kids,” he said, “if you would behave and be kind to each other, that would be a very nice birthday present for me.”
Our six-year-old shot back, “Too late dad, I already got you another present.”