Humor #620

Even with a thousand games, dolls and crafts to choose from, my customer at the toy store still couldn’t find a thing for her grandson.

“Maybe a video or something educational?” I asked.

“No, that’s not it,” she said.

We wandered the aisles until something caught her eye, a laser gun with flashing lights and 15 different high-pitched sounds.

“This is perfect,” she said, beaming. “My daughter-in-law will hate it.”

—–

As a potential juror in an assault-and-battery case, I was sitting in a courtroom, answering questions from both sides. The assistant district attorney asked such questions as: Had I ever been mugged? Did I know the victim or the defendant?

The defense attorney took a different approach, however. “I see you are a teacher,” he said. “What do you teach?”

“English and theater,” I responded.

“I guess I better watch my grammar,” the defense attorney quipped.

“No,” I shot back. “You better watch your acting.”

When the laughter in the courtroom died down, I was excused from the case.

—–

Lady (to her doctor): “What l am worried about is my height and not my weight.”

Doctor: “How come?”

Lady: “According to my weight, my height should be 7 feet, 8 inches.”

—–

At our local crematorium families are given the chance to chose the music CD they would like to enter the service to.

One family asked to enter to “Love Me Tender.”

Well, the day of the funeral arrived and the music was started ready for the family to walk into the service.

Unfortunately, the wrong track number was entered into the CD player, and the family found themselves walking in to “Return to Sender.”

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