A knight and his men return to their castle after a long hard day of fighting.
“How are we faring?” asks the king.
“Sire,” replies the knight, “I have been robbing and pillaging on your behalf all day, burning the towns of your enemies in the west.”
“What?!” shrieks the king. “I don’t have any enemies to the west!”
“Oh, no…” says the knight. “Well, you do now.”
Where did Captain Hook buy his hook … ?
At a second hand store!
A woman calls her mother.
“My husband and I have been fighting so much lately. I am going to come live with you again.”
Her mother replies, “No dear, he should pay for his mistakes. I am coming to live with you.”
A man went to his neighbor and asked, “Can you please lend me your stepladder?”
“I wish I could but I lent it to my son a couple of years back and he never returned it,” the neighbor replied.
“That reminds me. My mom used to say that if you lent something to the one who is born to you it will never come back.”
“I don’t know about that,” the neighbor began, “but in fact it is not my own. It belongs to my dad.”