What steps should you take if you ever come across a dangerous animal in the wilderness?
Very large & fast ones.
A minister had all of his remaining teeth pulled out. New dentures were being made. The first Sunday, he only preached 10 minutes. The second Sunday, he preached only 20 minutes. On the third Sunday, he preached 1 hour 25 minutes.
When asked about this by some of the congregation, he responded, “The first Sunday, my gums were so sore it hurt to talk. The second Sunday, my new dentures were hurting me a lot. The third Sunday, I accidentally grabbed my wife’s dentures. I don’t know what happened, I just couldn’t stop!”
Before beginning the service, our pastor read aloud a note he’d been handed moments earlier. “It says here that I should announce that there will be no BS tomorrow morning,” he said.
He tucked the piece of paper into a pocket and added, “I’m hoping they mean ‘Bible Study’.”
Dr. Cutter is the local veterinarian in Kennebec County, Maine. He was well-known in town for his wry humor. He surpassed himself one summer day when a city dog was brought to him after an encounter with a porcupine.
After almost an hour of prying, pulling, cutting and stitching, he returned the dog to its owner, who asked what she owed.
“A hundred and fifty dollars, Ma’am,” he answered.
“Why that’s simply outrageous!” she stormed. “That’s what’s wrong with you Maine people, you’re always trying to over charge summer visitors. Whatever do you do in the winter, when we’re not being gypped here?”
“We raise porcupines, Ma’am.”