A visiting minister at the start of the offertory prayer: “Dear Lord,” he began with arms extended and a rapturous look on his upturned face, “without you we are but dust…”
He would have continued, but at that moment one very obedient little girl (who was listening carefully) leaned over to her mother and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice, “Mommy, what is butt dust?”
Church was pretty much over at that point …
Early one evening a gentleman scuttled out to his garage and pulled the lawn furniture out onto the driveway. Shortly after followed the lawnmower, a few gardening tools and a bicycle.
A curious neighbor wandered over and asked if he was going to have a garage sale.
“No,” replied the gentleman, “my son just bought his first car and right now he’s getting ready for a big date. He’ll be taking the car out soon to pick up the girl.”
“So what’s with all the stuff?” asked the neighbor.
“Well, after years of moving tricycles, toys and sports equipment out of the way every time I came home from work, I wanted to make sure the driveway was ready for him.”
Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, “What was the problem?”
“The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine,” he explained. “It took us awhile to find a new pilot.”
The first-time father, beside himself with excitement over the birth of his son, was determined to do everything right.
“So, tell me, Nurse,” he asked as his new family headed out the hospital door, “what time should we wake the little guy in the morning?”