An older couple regularly attended church. The pastor was much impressed by how harmonious and how in love they seemed. They always held hands all through the service.
One day after church, the pastor couldn’t resist going up to them to express his admiration. He said, “I find it so inspirational to see how deeply in love you are, even, after all these years, holding hands like that.”
The wife looked up sharply and said, “It’s not love, Pastor, I’m just keeping him from cracking his knuckles.”
While working in the psychology department at a local college, I was asked to enlarge a chart for a meeting. I called the copy room and asked, “Can I get something blown up down there?”
After a pause, the voice on the line replied, “I think you want the chemistry lab.”
For years my sister’s husband tried unsuccessfully to persuade her to get a hearing aid.
“How much do they cost?” she asked one day after he had pitched the idea to her again.
“They’re usually about $3000,” he said.
“Okay, well if you say something worth $3000,” she replied, “I’ll get one.”
How many telemarketers does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but they have to do it while you’re eating dinner.
I started out with nothing and still have most of it left!