Ban pre-shredded cheese. Make America grate again!
My buddy applied for a job as an insurance salesman. Where the form requested “prior experience,” he wrote “lifeguard.” That was it. Nothing else.
“We’re looking for someone who can not only sell insurance, but who can sell himself as well,” said the hiring manager. “How does working as a lifeguard pertain to salesmanship?”
My friend replied, “I couldn’t swim.”
He got the job.
Some men were swapping stories about their war experiences. One fellow who had been in the Foreign Legion was saying, “There we were, it was night, the odds were 1,000 to 3. We didn’t know what to do.”
“Well, what did you do?” another asked.
“When morning came, we charged and got all three of them!”
Cop: You know how fast you were going?
Guy: Sorry officer, I was just trying to catch up with traffic.
Cop: What traffic? The road is empty.
Guy: Yea, that’s how far behind I am.