Humor #704

Scientists studying the effects of marijuana on seabirds have left no tern unstoned.

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During a magazine and newspaper subscription drive, our son Philip, a paperboy, learned about good salesmanship.

His supervisor had instructed the kids to maintain a positive attitude, even when turned down. One potential customer told Philip, “I’ve got papers and magazines strewn all over the place — I don’t need any more.”

Philip’s reply? “Well, how about a subscription to Good Housekeeping?”

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One morning at our small-town newspaper office, one of the editors was struggling to write a headline for the obituary of a woman who was noted for little besides a fondness for crossword puzzles.

“What am I supposed to write?” the editor whined. “She liked puzzles?”

Just then one of our copy editors piped up, “How about, ‘Crossword fan is now six down.'”

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A woman wakes up to find her husband cooking stir-fry in the middle of the night.

“Wake up, Frank! You’re sleep-wokking again!”

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Death and taxes are inevitable…

But at least death doesn’t get worse every year!