Humor #727

Common sense is not a gift, it’s a punishment because you have to deal with everyone who doesn’t have it.

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Mrs. Pete Monaghan came into the newsroom to pay for her husband’s obituary. She was told by the kindly newsman that it was a dollar a word and he remembered Pete and wasn’t it too bad about him passing away.

She thanked him for his kind words and bemoaned the fact that she only had two dollars. But she wrote out the obituary, “Pete died.”

The newsman said he thought old Pete deserved more and he’d give her three more words.

Mrs. Pete Monaghan thanked him and rewrote the obituary: “Pete died. Boat for sale.”

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A young scholar from New York was invited to become Rabbi in a small old community in Chicago.

On his very first Shabbat, a hot debate erupted as to whether one should or should not stand during the reading of the Ten Commandments.

The next day, the rabbi visited 98-year-old Mr. Katz in the nursing home.

“Mr. Katz, I’m asking you, as the oldest member of the community,” said the rabbi, “what is our synagogue’s custom during the reading of the Ten Commandments?”

“Why do you ask?” asked Mr. Katz.

“Yesterday we read the Ten Commandments. Some people stood, some people sat. The ones standing started screaming at the ones sitting, telling them to stand up. The ones sitting started screaming at the ones standing, telling them to sit down… “

“That,” said the old man, “is our custom.”

—–

Two elderly, excited Southern women were sitting together in the front pew of the church listening to a fiery preacher.

When this preacher condemned the sin of stealing, these two ladies cried out, “Amen, Brother!”

When the preacher condemned the sin of lust, they yelled again, “You preach it, Reverend!”

And when the preacher condemned the sin of lying, they jumped to their feet and hollered, “RIGHT ON, BROTHER! TELL IT LIKE IT IS… AMEN!”

But when the preacher condemned the sin of gossip, the two got very quiet.

One turned to the other and said, “He’s quit preaching and now he’s meddlin’.”

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