Humor #729

A man sees an ad for a $50 cruise on Craigslist. Despite his better judgement, he grabs some cash and makes his way to the address given in the ad.

He opens the door to a small office and is knocked unconscious from behind. He wakes up tied to a barrel floating in the Atlantic Ocean. “Well, this sucks,” he thinks out loud.

A second man floats by, also tied to a barrel. “Tell me about it,” the second man replies. “This is worse than last year.”

—–

The Rosenthals had an outstandingly happy and successful marriage, and Mr. Rosenthal was once asked to what he attributed this remarkable situation.

“It’s simple,” he said. “Division of labor. My wife makes all the small, routine decisions. She decides what house we buy, where we go on vacation, whether the kids go to private schools, if I should change my job, and so on.”

“And you?”

“I make the big, fundamental decisions. I decide if the United States should declare war on China, if Congress should appropriate money for a manned expedition to Mars, and so on.”

—–

My husband works in a former supermarket that was remodeled to accommodate professional offices. One day he overheard his receptionist giving directions over the phone.

“Remember the old grocery store?” she asked the caller. “Well, you’ll find us in the meat department

—–

I was sitting behind an enthusiastic mom at my son’s Little League game. Her boy was pitching for the opposing team and she cheered as he threw wild pitch after wild pitch.

The poor kid walked every batter. It was only the first inning and the score was 12–0. Then one batter finally hit the ball.

“Oh no,” the mom wailed. “There goes his no-hitter.”

Advertisement