Humor #730

My wife is mad at me, says I have no sense of direction.

So I packed all my bags and right!

—–

I was waiting tables at a country club when an elegantly dressed woman spilled Manhattan clam chowder all over her white linen skirt. She began furiously dabbing at it with a napkin.

Having plenty of experience with getting out food stains, I asked, “Can I bring you some club soda?”

“Young lady,” she barked, “I’ll be the judge of when I’ve had enough to drink. Bring me another martini!”

—–

After eight days of backpacking with my wife Linda, we were looking pretty scruffy. One morning she came to breakfast in a baseball cap, her shoulder length hair sticking out at odd angles.

“Terry,” she said, “does my hair make me look like a water buffalo?”

I thought for a moment, then said, “If I tell you the truth, do you promise not to charge?”

—–

While visiting my son on his Army base, I chatted with a colleague of his.

“What rank are you?” I asked.

“I’m relieved to say that I’ve just been promoted from captain to major.”

“Relieved? Why?”

“Because,” he replied, “my last name is Hook.”