“Boss can I have a week off around Christmas?”
“Sorry. May I have a week off around Christmas?”
A hypochondriac told his doctor he was certain he had a fatal disease.
“Nonsense,” scolded the doctor. “You wouldn’t know if you had that. With that particular disease there’s no discomfort of any kind.”
“Oh no!” gasped the patient. “Those are my symptoms exactly.”
An older lady, who lived on the third floor of a boardinghouse, broke her leg. As the doctor put a cast on it, he warned her not to climb any stairs. Several months later, the doctor took off the cast.
“Can I climb stairs now?” asked the little old lady.
“Yes you can,” he replied.
“Thank goodness!” she said. “I’m so tired of shinnying up and down that drainpipe!”
I was the new coach of a Little League baseball team and had not yet learned the names of my players.
At our first game, I called each boy by the number on his uniform. When I yelled, “Number 5, your time to bat,” Jeffrey came to the plate. When I called for “Number 7,” Tyler jumped up. Then I yelled for “Number 1” but no one emerged from the dugout. Again I called for Number 1. Still, no one came forward.
As the umpire looked on, annoyed at this delay of the game, I shouted; “Who’s number 1?”
That’s when the whole team yelled, “We are, Coach! We are!”