An employee went to see his supervisor. “Boss,” he said, “we’re doing some heavy housecleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife asked me for some help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff.”
“We’re shorthanded,” the boss replied. “I can’t give you the day off.”
“Thank you,” said the employee. “I knew I could count on you!”
When I was in school, I used to ask a lot of questions. One day I asked Ms. Doris, our English teacher, “Why do we ignore some letters ‘H’ like in hour, honest, honor, etc?”
Ms. Doris replied, “We are not ignoring them. They are considered silent.”
During the lunch break, Ms. Doris gave me her packed lunch & asked me to heat it in the cafeteria. I ate all the food and returned her an empty container.
Ms. Doris asked me, “What happened? I told you to go and HEAT my food & you are returning me an empty container?”
“I’m sorry, Ms. Doris, I thought the ‘H’ was silent.”
A taxpayer received a strongly worded “second notice” that his taxes were overdue. Hastening to the collector’s office, he paid his bill, saying apologetically that he had overlooked the first notice.
“Oh,” confided the collector with a smile, “we don’t send out first notices. We have found that the second notices are more effective.”
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs.
She asked, “What are their names?”
The blonde replied, “That one is Rolex, and that one is Timex.”
Her friend said, “Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?”
“Helllooo?” said the blonde. “They’re watch dogs…”