Humor #739

My four-year-old likes to say the blessing at mealtimes, usually repeating the same short prayer: “Thank you, God, for this gracious food. Amen.”

One evening, however, he thanked the Lord for the birds, the trees, each of his friends, and asked God to watch over his family and help them to be good. I was thrilled that he was finally praying from the heart.

But after the “Amen,” he took a spoonful of stew, gasped, then dropped his spoon into the bowl. “I should have said a longer prayer,” he said. “My food is still too hot.”

—–

Scene: With a patient in doctor’s medical exam room

Doctor: How old are your kids?

Patient: 44 and 39 with my wife who passed away, and 15 and 13 with my second wife.

Doctor: That’s quite the age difference!

Patient: Well, the older ones didn’t give me any grandkids, so I made my own.

—–

A young boy called the pastor of a local church and asked him to come by to pray for his mother, who was very ill with the flu.

The pastor knew the family and was aware they were members of another church down the road. So the pastor asked, “Shouldn’t you be asking Brother Simon at your church to come by to pray with your mom?”

The young boy replied, “Yeah, but we didn’t want to take the chance that he might catch whatever it is that Mom has.”

—–

An atheist was spending a quiet day fishing when suddenly his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness monster. In one easy flip, the beast tossed him and his boat high into the air, then opened its mouth to swallow both.

As the man sailed head over heels, he cried out, “Oh, my God! Help me!”

At once, the ferocious attack scene froze in place. As the atheist hung in mid-air, a booming voice came down from the clouds, “I thought you didn’t believe in Me!”

“Come on God, give me a break!!” the man pleaded. “Two minutes ago I didn’t believe in the Loch Ness monster either!