Humor #742

A woman was taking care of a neighbor’s little girl one morning. She arrived in time for breakfast and sat down at the table. “Mommy always makes me hot muffins for breakfast,” the girl said.

Eager to please, the woman went into the kitchen and prepared a tine of hot, fresh muffins.

“No thank you,” the girl said when they were brought to her.

The surprised woman replied, “I thought you said your mother always has muffins for breakfast?”

“She does, but I don’t eat them.”

—–

Many years ago my wife was to knitting what Tiger Woods is to golf. She designed exotic patterns with ease.

There was an occasion when we had lunch in an authentic Chinese restaurant (only one person spoke partial English, all menus were in Chinese). When she saw the hand-written menu she was so impressed with the calligraphy she tucked the menu in her purse. Some months later I saw the result, a stunning white sweater with the Chinese symbols hand-stitched down the front.

She received compliments galore until one cocktail party when we met a distinguished Chinese physician who asked my wife where she got the symbols. He then wanted to know if she knew what they meant.

“I’m afraid to ask,” she said, “but tell me anyway.”

Even she had to laugh when he told her they read, “This is a cheap dish – but good.”

—–

During a revival meeting, an evangelist asked the people in line what they needed.

One man’s request was for his hearing. The evangelist spit on his finger, put it in the man’s ear, prayed for him and then asked him, “How’s your hearing now?”

He said, “I don’t know – it’s next Tuesday.”

—–

Susie: My husband is a great handyman. He can repair almost anything.

Jane: My mother always taught me to beware of the man that can fix everything. You’ll never get anything new.