Humor #746

My family traditionally begins the evening meal with a prayer of thanks.  When they were old enough, we began letting our children say the meal prayer.  Of course at first they would ask for a pony, a new bike, etc.  They soon learned the more important things which should be included in the prayer.

At Thanksgiving we had the whole family over.  My nine year old wanted to say the prayer.  It went like this:

“Heavenly Father, we thank Thee for the turkey, the rolls, the mashed potatoes, the red jiggly stuff, and the bread stuff even though I don’t like it.  We ask that You not let us choke on this food.”

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Five Steps to a Healthy Diet

The Federal Drug and Food Administration is planning to issue a guide for proper eating that advises you to:

A. List your ten favorite foods.

B. List your five favorite beverages.

C. List all green vegetables that look like marsh grass, fur balls, or little trees.

D. List water.

E. Avoid A & B; eat only C; drink only D.

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A man stepped onto the overnight train and told the conductor, “I need you to wake me up in Philadelphia. I’m a deep sleeper and can be ornery when I get up, but no matter what, I want you to help me make that stop. Here’s $100 to make sure.”

The conductor agreed. The man fell asleep, and when he awoke he heard the announcement that the train was approaching New York. Furious, he collared the conductor. “I gave you $100 to make sure I got off in Philadelphia, you worthless fool!”

“Wow,” another passenger said to his traveling companion. “Is that guy ever mad!”

“Yeah,” his companion replied. “But not half as mad as that guy they forced off the train in Philadelphia.”

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A teacher asked her class to write on “What’s the bravest thing your dad has done?”

A student wrote… “My dad married my mom.”

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