Humor #755

“Resolutions – Seriously”

We all chuckle at not keeping New Year’s Resolutions but as you’ll see from some of these, a lack of self-control can really hurt you.

Here’s a look at someone’s New Year’s resolutions down through the years.

RESOLUTION #1:

2015: I will read at least 20 good books a year.

2016: I will read at least 10 books a year.

2017: I will read 5 books a year.

2018: I will finish The Pelican Brief

2019: I will read some articles in the newspaper this year.

2020: I will read at least one article this year.

2021: I will try and finish the comics section this year.

RESOLUTION #2:

2015: I will get my weight down below 180.

2016: I will watch my calories until I get below 190.

2017: I will follow my new diet religiously until I get below 200.

2018: I will try to develop a realistic attitude about my weight.

2019: I will work out 5 days a week.

2020: I will work out 3 days a week.

2021: I will try to drive past a gym at least once a week.

RESOLUTION #3:

2015: I will not spend my money frivolously.

2016: I will pay off my bank loan promptly.

2017: I will pay off my bank loans promptly.

2018: I will begin making a strong effort to be out of debt by 2019.

2019: I will be totally out of debt by 2020.

2020: I will try to pay off the debt interest by 2021.

2021: I will try to be out of the country by 2022.

RESOLUTION #4:

2018: I will try to be a better husband to Marge.

2019: I will not leave Marge.

2020: I will try for reconciliation with Marge.

2021: I will try to be a better husband to Wanda.

RESOLUTION #5:

2018: I will stop looking at other women.

2019: I will not get involved with Wanda.

2020: I will not let Wanda pressure me into another marriage.

2021: I will stop looking at other women.

RESOLUTION #6:

2018: I will not let my boss push me around.

2019: I will not let my sadistic boss drive me to the point of suicide.

2020: I will stick up for my rights when my boss bullies me.

2021: I will tell Dr. Hodger and the group about my boss.

RESOLUTION #7:

2018: I will not get upset when Charlie makes jokes about my baldness.

2019: I will not get annoyed when Charlie kids me about my toupee.

2020: I will not get angry when Charlie tells the guys I wear a girdle.

2021: I will not speak to Charlie.

RESOLUTION #8:

2018: I will not take a drink before 5:00 p.m.

2019: I will not touch the bottle before noon.

2020: I will not become a “problem drinker”.

2021: I will not miss any AA meetings.

RESOLUTION #9:

2018: I will see my dentist this year.

2019: I will have my cavities filled this year.

2020: I will have my root canal work done this year.

2021: I will get rid of my denture breath this year.

RESOLUTION #10:

2018: I will go to church every Sunday.

2019: I will go to church as often as possible.

2020: I will set aside time each day for prayer and meditation.

2021: I will try to catch the late night sermonette on TV.