I decided to make sure my wife had a smile on her face every morning…
Now I can’t keep sharpies in the house anymore.
Sam (boasting about his hunting trip): “All of a sudden I spotted a leopard…”
Pam: “You can’t kid me, they come that way!”
Schoolmaster: “This makes the fifth time I have punished you this week. What do have you to say for yourself?”
Youth: “That I am glad it’s Friday, sir.”
I understand the fix a local hunting guide got himself into.
His party became hopelessly lost in the mountains and they blamed him for leading them astray.
“You told us you were the best guide in Colorado!” they asserted.
“I am,” he said, “but I think we’re in Wyoming now.”
An old farmer is inconsolable after his dog goes missing. He takes out an ad in the newspaper, but two weeks later, there’s still no sign of the mutt.
“What did you write in the ad?” his wife asks.
“Here, boy,” he replies.