Humor #779

Doctor: “Have you been drinking fluids?”

Patient: “Jeez, Doc, that’s literally all I drink.”

—–

Two golfers met at the club. “I heard about your terrible tragedy last week,” said one.

“Yes,” said the other sadly, sipping his drink. “I was playing a two-some with Winthrop, and he dropped dead on the ninth hole.”

“I understand you carried him all the way back to the clubhouse too,” the first man said sympathetically. “That must have been very difficult, considering Winthrop weighed over two hundred and fifty pounds.”

“The carrying wasn’t that hard. It was putting him down at every stroke, then picking him up again that wore me out.”

—–

Ballerinas are always on their toes…

Why don’t they just get taller ballerinas?

—–

“So tell me, Mrs. Smith,” asked the interviewer, “have you any other skills you think might be worth mentioning?”

“Actually, yes,” said the applicant modestly. “Last year I had two short stories published in national magazines, and I finished my novel.”

“Very impressive,” he commented, “but I was thinking of skills you could apply during office hours.”

Mrs. Smith explained brightly, “Oh, but that was during office hours.”