Humor #806

A 6th grade teacher posed the following problem to one of her arithmetic classes:

“A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?”

After a very long silence in the classroom, one little boy raised his hand and with complete sincerity in his voice, answered, “A lawyer!”

—–

Mrs. Goldberg was shopping at a produce stand in her neighborhood. She approached the vendor and asked, “How much are these oranges?”

“Two for a dollar,” answered the vendor.

“How much is just one?” she asked.

“Sixty cents,” answered the vendor.

“Then I’ll take the other one,” said Mrs. Goldberg.—–

—–

A tour guide was showing a tourist around Washington, D.C. The guide pointed out the place where George Washington supposedly threw a dollar across the Potomac River.

“That’s impossible,” said the tourist. “No one could throw a coin that far!”

“You have to remember,” answered the guide. “A dollar went a lot farther in those days.”

—–

Mother (to sleeping Little Johnny): “Little Johnny, wake up! It’s twenty to eight.”

Little Johnny (half asleep): “In whose favor?”

—–

It was April and Tax Day was looming when an elderly woman showed up at my desk at the IRS. She said she required a thick stack of tax forms.

“Why so many?” I asked.

“My son is overseas,” she said. “He asked me to pick up forms for the soldiers on the base.”

“You shouldn’t have to do this,” I told her. “It’s the base commander’s job to make sure that his troops have access to the forms they need.”

“I know,” she began, “I’m the base commander’s mother.”