A child comes home from his first day at school.
His mother asks, “Well, what did you learn today?”
The kid replies, “Not enough. They want me to come back tomorrow.”
Back in the 1800s, the Tates Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted to produce other products, and since they already made the cases for pocket watches, they decided to market compasses for the pioneers traveling west.
It turned out that although their watches were of the finest quality, their compasses were so bad that people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than California. This, of course, is the origin of the expression,
“He who has a Tates is lost!”
I decided to change calling the bathroom the John and renamed it the Jim
I feel so much better saying I went to the jim this morning
A professor stood before his class of 20 senior organic biology students, about to hand out the final exam.
“I want to say that it’s been a pleasure teaching you this semester. I know you’ve all worked extremely hard, and many of you are off to medical school after the summer. So that none of you gets your GPA messed up because you might have been celebrating a bit too much this week, anyone who would like to opt out of the final exam today will receive a ‘B’ for the course.”
There was much rejoicing amongst the class as students got up, passed by the professor to thank him, and signed out on his offer. As the last taker left the room, the professor looked out over the handful of remaining students and asked, “Anyone else? This is your last chance.” One more student rose up and took the offer.
The professor closed the door and took attendance of those students remaining. “I’m glad to see you believe in yourselves,” he said. “Each of you gets an ‘A.'”