Humor #168

BLESSED ARE… (#5)

** Blessed are those who swallow bitter words so they won’t have to eat them later.

** Blessed are the prophets, for the blind shall see through their eyes.

** Blessed are those who are open to commitment, for they shall be fulfilled.

** Blessed are those who are soft hearted, for they shall be comfortable!

** Blessed are they that go in circles, for they shall be called wheels.

** Blessed are those who are short, for they shall stand on ladders!

** Blessed are the brief, for they shall have lower phone bills.

** Blessed are those who sing in the choir, for they shall be noted.

** Blessed are those who do things anonymously, for they shall be found out.

** Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape.

** Blessed are those who build ladders, for they shall give others a step up.

** Blessed are the leaders who have not sought the high place, but who have been drafted into service because of their ability and willingness to serve.

** Blessed are people who know where they are going, for they shall not make U-turns.

** Blessed are the dictators, for they shall keep stenographers employed.

** Blessed are those who spend time listening to an elder’s tales of long ago, for they shall inherit pearls of wisdom.

** Blessed are those who lead by example, for they shall be mocked.

** Blessed are the leaders who travel on interstate highways, for they shall follow road signs.

** Blessed are those who have their heads in the clouds, for they shall be able to predict the weather.

** Blessed are those who ride bicycles, for they shall have balance.

** Blessed is the chicken that crossed the road, for she shall be poultry in motion.

** Blessed are those who sing, for they shall find the key.

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Humor #167

BLESSED ARE… (#4)

** Blessed are bald men, for they shall not have toupee for hair cuts.

** Blessed are those who are magnets, for they shall find each other attractive.

** Blessed are those who have allergies, for they shall be scratched.

** Blessed are the dermatologists, for they shall not be rash.

** Blessed are the neurologists, for they shall have a lot of nerve.

** Blessed are the obstetricians, for their labors shall not be in vain.

** Blessed are the ophthalmologists, for they shall not be shortsighted.

** Blessed are the pediatricians, for they shall have many children.

** Blessed are the psychiatrists, for they shall be couched.

** Blessed are the plastic surgeons, for they shall put a whole new face on things.

** Blessed are the podiatrists, for they shalt have a leg to stand on.

** Blessed are the cardiologists, for they shall have a lot of heart.

** Blessed are the optometrists, for they shall see you coming.

** Blessed are the taxidermists, for they shall know their stuff.

** Blessed are those who work in muffler shops, for they shall hear you coming.

** Blessed are those who work in bowling alleys, for they shall hear a pin drop.

** Blessed are those who make pizzas, for they shall have lots of dough.

** Blessed are the hard of hearing, for they shall miss all the small talk.

** Blessed are those who cook, for they shall be at home on the range.

** Blessed are those who fail, for they shall be a good example for others not to follow.

** Blessed are those who are a little cracked, for the Redeeming Light pours through them.

Humor #166

BLESSED ARE… (#3)

** Blessed are they who make it through April, for they shalt be in dismay.

** Blessed is he who plows in a straight furrow, for he shall be in a rut.

** Blessed are they who give hugs; for they are truly appreciated (more than they’ll ever know).

** Blessed are they who have cellular phones, for they shalt receive the call wherever they are.

** Blessed are those who turn off their cellular phones, for they shall have peace.

** Blessed are those who refrain from alcohol, for they shall remain sober.

** Blessed are those who laugh often, for they shalt have strong funnybones.

** Blessed are those who speak as lawyers, for they shalt be brief.

** Blessed are those who meet their mate on the internet, for it shall be love at first site.

** Blessed are the piemakers, for they shall generate fellowship. They are also the “Upper Crust.” They Have a Lot of Crust!

** Blessed are those who attend church regularly, for they shall be pewed.

** Blessed art those who pray in King James English, for they shall surely speaketh in clarity.

** Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall always have a job.

** Blessed are those who resist temptation at the smorgasbord, for they shall be buffeted.

** Blessed are those who listen intently during sermons, for their understanding is great.

** Blessed are those who can give without remembering, for they shall not be forgotten.

** Blessed are those who donate organs, for they are giving the gift of life.

** Blessed are those who receive donated organs, for they have restored health.

** Blessed are those who shop, for they shall be spent.

** Blessed are those who drill, for they shall not be bored.

Humor #165

BLESSED ARE… (#2)

** Blessed are the drama students, for they shalt be a class act.

** Blessed are the bridesmaids, for they shalt be wedding belles.

** Blessed are the landscapers, for they shalt be bushed.

** Blessed are the gymnasts, for they shalt always do good turns.

** Blessed are they who do the ironing, for they shalt not be depressed.

** Blessed are the orchard growers, for their work shall not be fruitless.

** Blessed are they who avoid their in-laws, for they shalt not be relatively annoyed.

** Blessed are the candy-makers, for they shalt make a mint.

** Blessed are they who process lettuce, for they shalt see the tip of the iceberg.

** Blessed are they who own horses, for they shalt have stability.

** Blessed are they who play tennis, for love means nothing to them.

** Blessed are they that wrap leftovers, for they shalt be foiled again.

** Blessed are the fishermen, for they shalt have net income.

** Blessed are the musicians, for they shalt be noteworthy.

** Blessed are those who are tailors, for they shalt be suited for it.

** Blessed are those who drink orange juice, for they shalt be able to concentrate.

** Blessed is he who attends church at more than one denomination, for he shalt be bi-sectual.

** Blessed is he who stops smoking, for he shalt be a quitter.

** Blessed is he who has a word processor, for his words shalt be minced.

** Blessed are those who watch the stars, for their work shalt be astronomical.

** Blessed are those who make perfect bread, for they shalt be a good roll model.

 

Humor #164

Blessed are… (#1)

** Blessed are the Internet junkies, for their time shalt be a net loss.

** Blessed are those who build bridges, for they shalt get over it.

** Blessed are those who recycle motor oil, for they shall be refined.

** Blessed is the TV weatherman, for he shalt talk up a storm.

** Blessed are the undertakers, for they shalt be the last to let you down.

** Blessed are they who knit their own hosiery, for they shalt not get a run for their money.

** Blessed are the auctioneers, for they shall look forbidding.

** Blessed are the breadmakers, for they shalt rise to the occasion.

** Blessed are the nuns, for they shall have no bad habits.

** Blessed are those who stop horseback riding, for they shalt be full of woe.

** Blessed are the thrifty deer hunters, for they shalt get more bang for their buck.

** Blessed are the ministers who make mistakes, for it shall only be a clerical error.

** Blessed are the unionized church workers, for they shalt bargain in good faith.

** Blessed are the watchmakers, for they shalt work overtime.

** Blessed are the religious nuclear engineers, for they shalt have critical mass.

** Blessed are students in Christian schools, for they shalt have good Principals.

** Blessed are the poor losers, for they shalt continue to diet.

** Blessed are those who are multi-lingual, for they shalt be misunderstood in many languages.

** Blessed are those who are in medical school, for they shall become ill-literate.

** Blessed are the unemployed jesters, for they shalt be nobody’s fool.