Humor #458

From my niece…

After reminding Adelaide (at age 5) that children who obey their parents are blessed, she resolved, “but Mommy, I want to be BOTH naughty and blessed and not get in trouble for no-no’s”

 —–

A member of the Senate, known for his hot temper and acid tongue, exploded one day in mid-session and began to shout, “Half of this Senate is made up of cowards and corrupt politicians!”

All the other Senators pleaded to the angry member that he withdraw his statement or be removed from the remainder of the session.

After a long pause, the angry member accepted.

“Ok” he said, “I withdraw what I said.

Half of this Senate is NOT made up of cowards and corrupt politicians!”

—–

The old pastor made it to a practice to visit the parish school one day a week.

He walked into the 4th grade class, where the children were studying the states, and asked them how many states they could name.

They came up with about 40 names.

He jokingly told them that in his day students knew the names of all the states.

One lad raised his hand and said, “Yes, but in those days there were only 13.”

—–

A lawyer phoned the governor’s mansion shortly after midnight. “I need to talk to the governor, it’s an emergency!” exclaimed the lawyer. After some cajoling, the governor’s assistant agreed to wake him up.

 “So, what is it that’s so important that it can’t wait until morning?” grumbled the governor.

 “Judge Pierson just died, and I want to take his place,” beg the attorney.

 “Well, it’s OK with me if it’s OK with the mortuary,” replied the governor.

 —–

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Humor #457

Did you hear about the self-help group for compulsive talkers?

It’s called On & On Anon.

—–

The company I work for sometimes puts on what they call “Lunch and Learn” seminars during the employees’ lunchtime, dealing with a variety of physical and mental health issues. If the seminar lasts beyond the normal lunch hours, we’re supposed to get managerial approval to attend.

So, last week, this flier came around:

LUNCH AND LEARN SEMINAR:

WHO’S CONTROLLING YOUR LIFE?

(Get your manager’s permission before attending)

Looks like that question’s been answered …

—–

During a recent password audit by a company, it was found that an employee was using the following password:

“MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento”

When asked why she had such a long password, she rolled her eyes and said, “Hello! It has to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.”

—–

Some young children were sitting in a circle with their teacher. She was going around in turn asking them all questions.

“Davy, what noise does a cow make?”

“It goes ‘moo.'”

“Alice, what noise does a cat make?”

“It goes ‘meow.'”

“Jamie, what sound does a lamb make?”

“It goes ‘baaa.'”

“Jennifer, what sound does a mouse make?”

“Errr…, it goes… ‘click!'”