Humor #790

You’ve heard of Murphy’s famous law: Everything that can go wrong will go wrong.

There are many other related laws. Here are a few:

After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch. –Lorenz’s Law of Mechanical Repair

Identical parts aren’t. –Beach’s Law

Any tool, when dropped, will roll into the least accessible corner. –Anthony’s Law of the Workshop

Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has come. –Tussman’s Law

If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway. –Lowery’s Law

The solution to a problem changes the problem. –Peer’s Law

There is no mechanical problem so difficult that it cannot be solved by brute strength and ignorance. –William’s Law

Handy Guide to Modern Science:

1. If it’s green or it wiggles, it’s Biology.

2. If it stinks, it’s Chemistry.

3. If it doesn’t work, it’s Physics.

Machines should work. People should think. –IBM’s Pollyanna Principle

The most ineffective workers will be systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage – management. –The Dilbert Principle

The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts. –Ehrlich’s Law

It is a mistake to allow any mechanical object to realize that you are in a hurry. –Ralph’s Observation

If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire. –Cannon’s Comment

Thinly sliced cabbage. –Cole’s Law

Humor #194

Murphy’s Laws for Parents

1. The tennis shoes you must replace today will go on sale next week.

2. Leakproof thermoses — will.

3. The chances of a piece of bread falling with the grape jelly side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.

4. The garbage truck will be two doors past your house when the argument over whose day it is to take out the trash ends.

5. The shirt your child must wear today will be the only one that needs to be washed or mended.

6. Gym clothes left at school in lockers mildew at a faster rate than other clothing.

7. The item your child lost, and must have for school within the next ten seconds, will be found in the last place you look.

8. Sick children recover miraculously when the pediatrician enters the treatment room.

9. Refrigerated items, used daily, will gravitate toward the back of the refrigerator.

10. Your chances of being seen by someone you know dramatically increase if you drive your child to school in your robe and curlers