Humor #616

Out Of Office Autoreplies

  1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. I may be a little moody so be prepared.
  2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all.
  3. Sorry to have missed you, but I am at the doctor’s having my brain removed so I can be promoted to our management team.
  4. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation. Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
  5. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $4.99 for the first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.
  6. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.
  7. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
  8. Hi, I’m thinking about what you’ve just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.
  9. I’ve run away to join a different circus.

Humor #145

TOP TEN DIFFERENCES BETWEEN SECRETARIES AND ADMINISTRATIVE PROFESSIONALS

10. Secretaries make coffee, administrative professionals procure international resources to motivate and empower staff.

9. Secretaries take memos, administrative professionals expedite inter-office communication.

8. Secretaries type letters, administrative professionals facilitate company communication with national and international clients.

7. Secretaries file, administrative professionals manage and organize data for efficient retrieval of corporate records.

6. Secretaries un-jam the copy machines, administrative professionals maintain high-tech equipment vital to day-to-day business.

5. Secretaries answer the phone, administrative professionals manage communication between staff and customers.

4. Secretaries listen to office gossip and complaints, administrative professionals act as corporate arbitrators and manage conflict between administrators and staff.

3. Secretaries order office supplies, administrative professionals manage inventory of critical corporate resources.

2. Secretaries buy gifts when boss realizes he or she has forgotten spouse’s birthday or anniversary, administrative professionals facilitate crisis management at the executive level.

1. Secretaries get little respect in the corporate environment, administrative professionals get just a bit more.

While working at a publishing house, the executives could be gone for days at a time and the company would continue operating just fine. But if any administrative professional was gone for more than an afternoon, the house collapsed. So, my best wishes go out to all the administrative professionals that keep business, well, in business!