The New Alphabet for Older People
A is for arthritis
B is for bad back
C is for the chest pains. Corned beef? Cardiac?
D is for dental decay and decline
E is for eyesight–can’t read that top line
F is for fissures and fluid retention
G is for gas (which I’d rather not mention)
And other gastrointestinal glitches
H is high blood pressure
I is for itches
J is for joints that are failing to flex
L for libido–what happened to sex?
Wait! I forgot about K for bad knees
(I’ve got a few gaps in my M-memory)
N is for nerve (pinched) and neck (stiff) and neurosis
O is for osteo-
P is for porosis
Q is for queasiness. Fatal? Just flu?
R is for reflux–one meal becomes two
S is for sleepless nights counting my fears
T is for tinnitus–bells in my ears
U is for difficulties urinary
V is for vertigo
W is worry
About what the X–as in X-ray–will find
But though the word “terminal” rushes to mind,
I’m proud, as each
Y – year – goes by, to reveal
A reservoir of undiminished
Z – zeal—
For checking the symptoms my body’s deployed,
And keeping my twenty-six doctors employed.