Humor #604

Bill and Doug went into a diner that looked as though it had seen better days.

As they slid in to a booth, Bill wiped some crumbs from the seat. Then he took a napkin and wiped some moisture from the table. The waitress came over and asked if they wanted some menus.

“No thanks,” said Doug. “I’ll just have a cup of black coffee.”

“I’ll have black coffee too,” Bill said. “And please make sure the cup is clean.”

The waitress shot him a nasty look. She turned and marched off into the kitchen.

Two minutes later, she was back. “Two cups of black coffee,” she announced.

“Which one of you wanted the clean cup?”

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“I never called you stupid; but when I asked you how you spelled Mississippi, and you asked if I was talking about the river or the state, it just kind of caught me off guard.”

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“I’m surprised that the hip-hop culture hasn’t caught on with rabbits.”

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A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

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A young man, while bringing flowers to a cemetery, noticed an old Chinese man placing a bowl of rice on a nearby grave. The young man walked up to the Chinese man and asked, “When do you expect your friend to come up and eat the rice?”

The old Chinese man replied with a smile, “Same time your friend comes up to smell the flowers.”

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Humor #603

I’m not so sure about an inner child, but I have an inner idiot that surfaces every now and then.

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“You call this a musical?” asked Les miserably.

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I was born to be wild, but only until around 9 pm or so.

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me!! Luckily, my injuries were only super fish oil.

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Don’t wear headphones while vacuuming; I’ve just finished the whole house before realizing the vacuum wasn’t plugged in.

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I gave all my dead batteries away today … free of charge.

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The relationship between Husband and Wife is very psychological; one is Psycho and the other is Logical – and whatever you do, don’t try to figure out Who is Who.

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I just ordered a life alert bracelet so if I ever get a life I’ll be notified immediately

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To the guy who invented “zero” … Thanks for nothing.