Humor #163

Oxymorons

Ancient Greek : Oxus = “sharp”
Moros = “dull”

“Oxymoron” = a sharp dullness or a foolish wise.

… a self-contradicting phrase.

_____

He lived his life to the end.

You always find something in the last place you look.

The saddest moment in a person’s life comes but once.

Ah well, they say it’s not as bad as they say it is.

Black Light

I’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

Left Handed Screwdrivers.

Striped paint.

Pigeon’s milk.

Straight hooks.

Cooking glue.

It was as bad as being up a creek in a barbed wire canoe.

… about as useful as a chocolate teapot.

I want my bedroom painted sky-blue pink.

The dumplings in a dream are not dumplings, only dreams.

compulsory volunteers

college student

jumbo shrimp

That shoe fits him like a glove.

A woman met a man walking along the street wearing only one shoe. “Just lost a shoe?” she asked. He answered, “Nope, just found one.”

Classified ad: For Sale: Man’s suit, perfect fit.

I wouldn’t be paranoid if everyone didn’t pick on me.

Plastic lemons, rubber bones, bricked-up windows, artificial grass, plastic flowers, invisible ink.

 

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Humor #109

Oxymorons: Two words or phrases that have opposite meanings.

– Act naturally

– Found missing

– Resident alien

– Advanced BASIC

– Genuine imitation

– Airline Food

– Good grief

– Same difference

– Almost exactly

– Terribly pleased

– Sanitary landfill

– Alone together

– Legally drunk

– Silent scream

– Living dead

– Government organization