Humor #193

How To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity in retirement.

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars… watch ’em Slow Down!

2. On all your check stubs, write ‘For Marijuana’!

3. Skip down the street Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get.

4. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

5. Sing Along At The Opera.

6. When The Money Comes Out of The ATM, Scream ‘I Won! I Won!’

7. When Leaving the Zoo, start Running towards the Car Park, Yelling ‘Run For Your Lives! They’re Loose!’

8. Tell Your Children over dinner: ‘Due to the economy,we are going to have to let one of you go…

And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity: my favourite.

9. Go to a large Department store’s fitting room, drop your drawers to your ankles and yell out: “THERE IS NO PAPER IN HERE”!

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Humor #158

One day God was looking down at earth and
saw all of the rascally retirees’ behavior that was going on…

So He called His angels and sent one to earth for a time.

When the angel returned, he told God,’Yes, it is bad on earth;
95% of retirees are misbehaving and only 5% are not.

God thought for a moment and said, ‘Maybe I had better send
down a second angel to get another opinion.’

So God called another angel and sent her to earth for a time.

When the angel returned, she went to God and said, ‘Yes, it’s true.
The earth is in decline; 95% of retirees are misbehaving, but 5% are
being good…’

God was not pleased.

So He decided to e-mail the 5% who were good, because he wanted
to encourage them, and give them a little something to help them
keep going. Do you know what the e-mail said?

Okay, I was just wondering, because I didn’t get one either.