Humorr #442

WHY TEACHERS GO GRAY
These are reported to be actual test answers from various schools:

Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: What is a planet?
A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.

Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed.

Q; Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized?
A: The body is consisted into three parts – the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.

Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does “varicose” mean?
A: Nearby.

Q: Give the meaning of the term “Caesarean Section.”
A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome.

Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman emperor.

Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport.

Q: Use the word “judicious” in a sentence to show you understand its meaning.
A: Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.

Q: What does the word “benign” mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab wears on his head.

Q: What is a Hindu?
A: It lays eggs.

Humor #314

School Best Sellers

Walking To School The First Day Back
by Misty Bus

The Day The Car Pool Forgot Me
by I. Rhoda Bike

Can’t See The Chalkboard
by Sidney Backrow

Practical Jokes I Played On The First Day Of School
by Major Crackupp

What I Dislike About Returning To School
by Mona Lott

Making It Through The First Week Of School
by Gladys Saturday

Is Life Over When Summer Ends?
by Midas Welbee

What I Love About Returning To School
by I. M. Kidding

Will Jimmy Finally Graduate?
by I. Betty Wont

What Happens When You Get Caught Skipping School
by U. Will Gettitt

Humor #256

“What The Teacher Says and What She Really Means”

With school about to start here is a translation guide to those notes sent home…

  1. Your son has a remarkable ability in gathering needed information from his classmates.
    (He was caught cheating on a test).
  2. Karen is an endless fund of energy and viability.
    (The hyperactive monster can’t stay seated for five minutes).
  3. Fantastic imagination! Unmatched in his capacity for blending fact with fiction.
    (He’s definitely one of the biggest liars I have ever met).
  4. Margie exhibits a casual, relaxed attitude to school, indicating that high expectations don’t intimidate her.
    (The lazy thing hasn’t done one assignment all term).
  5. Her athletic ability is marvelous. Superior hand-eye coordination.
    (The little creep stung me with a rubber band from 15 feet away).
  6. Nick thrives on interaction with his peers.
    (Your son needs to stop socializing and start working).
  7. Your daughter’s greatest asset is her demonstrative public discussions.
    (Classroom lawyer! Why is it that every time I explain an assignment she creates a class argument).
  8. John enjoys the thrill of engaging challenges with his peers.
    (He’s a bully).
  9. An adventurous nature lover who rarely misses opportunities to explore new territory.
    (Your daughter was caught skipping school at the fishing pond).
  10. I am amazed at her tenacity in retaining her youthful personality.
    (She’s so immature that we’ve run out of diapers).
  11. Unlike some students who hide their emotion, Charles is very expressive and open.
    (He must have written the Whiner’s Guide).
  12. I firmly believe that her intellectual and emotional progress would be enhanced through a year’s repetition of her learning environment.
    (Regretfully, we believe that she is not ready for high school and must repeat the 8th grade).
  13. Her exuberant verbosity is awesome!
    (A mouth that never stops yakking).

Humor #213

Biology Revisited

– When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.

– Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.

– Thesaurus is an ancient reptile with an excellent vocabulary.

– It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

– Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.

– Genetics explain why you look like your father and if you don’t, why you should.

– Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.

– Sterility is hereditary: If your grandfather didn’t have children and your father didn’t have children, you won’t have children too.