Humor #471

‘Twas the night of Thanksgiving, but I just couldn’t sleep

I tried counting backwards. l tried counting sheep.

The leftovers beckoned – the dark meat and white.

But l fought the temptation with all of my might

Tossing and turning with anticipation

The thought of a snack became infatuation.

So I raced to the kitchen, flung open the door

And gazed at the fridge, full of goodies galore.

I gobbled up turkey and buttered potatoes,

Pickles and carrots, beans and tomatoes.

I felt myself swelling so plump and so round,

‘Til all of a sudden, I rose off the ground.

I crashed through the ceiling, floating into the sky

With a mouthful of pudding and a handful of pie.

But, I managed to yell as I soared past the Trees_,__

Happy eating to all – pass the cranberries, please.

May your stuffing be tasty, may Your turkey be plump.

May your potatoes ’n’ gravy have nary a lump,

May your yams be delicious, may your pies take the Prize

May your thanksgiving dinner stay off of your thighs.

May your thanksgiving be blessed!

Happy Thanksgiving!

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Happy Thanksgiving!

Livening Up Thanksgiving Dinner

1. Load your plate up high; take it to the kitchen, toss it all in the blender and take your “shake” back to the table. Announce that it’s the new Thanksgiving Weight Loss Shake.

2. When everyone says, in turn, what they are thankful for, say, “I’m thankful I didn’t get caught,” and refuse to say anything more.

3. Bring along old-recorded football games and pop them in the VCR when Dad’s not looking. Make sure it is set to the last two minutes of the game. When he comes into the room, turn off the VCR and turn on the regular TV.

4. Bring a date that only talks about the tragic and abusive conditions known to exist at turkey farms.

5. During mid-meal, turn to Mom and say, “See mom, I told you they wouldn’t notice that the turkey was past the expiration date. You were worried for nothing.”

Humor #98

Turkey Day Humor

“The difference between chickens and turkeys is that chicken’s celebrate Thanksgiving!!”

———–

One year at Thanksgiving, my mom went to my sister’s house for the traditional feast. Knowing how gullible my sister is, my mom decided to play a trick. She told my sister that she needed something from the store.

When my sister left, my mom took the turkey out of the oven, removed the stuffing, stuffed a Cornish hen, and inserted it into the turkey, and re-stuffed the turkey. She then placed the bird(s) back in the oven.

When it was time for dinner, my sister pulled the turkey out of the oven and proceeded to remove the stuffing. When her serving spoon hit something, she reached in and pulled out the little bird.

With a look of total shock on her face, my mother exclaimed, “Patricia, you’ve cooked a pregnant bird!” At the reality of this horrifying news, my sister started to cry.

It took the family two hours to convince her that turkeys lay eggs!

————

Thanksgiving day was approaching, and the family received a Thanksgiving card with a painting of a pilgrim family on their way to church.

Grandma showed the card to her small grandchildren, observing, “The Pilgrim children liked to go to church with their mothers and fathers.”

“Oh yeah?” her young grandson replied. “So why is their dad carrying that rifle?”

———–

What does a turkey say?

->”Gobble, gobble, gobble,” right?

Not always!

A jewelry-lovin’ turkey?

-> “Bauble bauble bauble”

A dyslexic turkey say?

-> “Boggle boggle boggle”

A turkey in the shoe repair shop say?

-> “Cobble cobble cobble”

A turkey with a sore leg say?

-> “Hobble hobble hobble.”

A football turkey say?

-> “Huddle, huddle, huddle”

A dieting turkey:

-> “Nibble, nibble nibble.”

A turkey who argues a lot:

-> “Squabble squabble squabble.”

What does Dr. Seuss’ turkey say?

-> “Tweedle beetle paddle battle puddle wobble hobble gobble.”

Then there was the dizzy Turkey who just went:

-> “Wobble wobble wobble!”