I used to work in an art supply store. We sold artists’ canvas by the yard, and you could get it in either of two widths: 36 inches or 48 inches.
Customer: “Can you please cut some canvas for me?”
Me: “Certainly, what width?”
Customer (confused and slightly annoyed): “Scissors?”
When he was four, my grandson Jacob could hardly wait for his first day of school. That morning he waited anxiously with his mother, Katherine, for the bus to arrive.
The bus arrived and he started up the steps to get on. He heard his mom say something just as he passed the bus driver. With tears in her eyes, Katherine said, “What about a kiss?”
Jacob stopped, retraced a few steps, then promptly kissed the bus driver before he took a seat.
A lawyer named Strange passed away. His friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, “Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer.”
The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for a passerby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone.
However, he suggested an alternative. He would inscribe, “Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer.”
That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark, “That’s Strange.”
A businessman had a tiring day on the road. He checked into a hotel and, because he was concerned that the dining room might close soon, left his luggage at the front desk and went immediately to eat.
After a leisurely dinner, he reclaimed his luggage and realized that he had forgotten his room number. He went back to the desk and told the clerk on duty, “My name is Henry Davis, can you please tell me what room I am in?”
“Certainly,” said the clerk. “You’re in the lobby.”